By Zack Brewer,
Senior Opinion Writer
This year, the harsh month of December will bring with it many things: Christmas, a new NBA season, and the promise that we are only one year away from the end of the world as we know it. But it also brings some not so good things: finals, icy roads, sickness; junk that all adds up to one thing—dorm room fever.
Lo, the day will come when black ice permeates every crack in the pavement and there will be no midnight runs to that place you love. Studying for finals will breathe its chilly breath down your neck and haunt you until, eventually, you just give up and say, “Forget this; I need to dance.” This guide is for that moment.
1. Party Rock Anthem—LMFAO
I like to imagine that this ubiquitous tune is actually about a literal rock that loves social gatherings and female minerals. I also like to imagine that I am that very rock and everyone likes being around me and I am cool. And then the song ends.
Dance tip: Do not confuse stalactites and stalagmites.
2. Till the World Ends (The Femme Fatale Remix)—Britney Spears (feat. Nicki Minaj & Ke$ha)
Yea, the original is ok—I mean, it was written by Ke$ha. What it lacked, though, was Nicki “What is She Talking About” Minaj and her ferocious musings on chimpanzees and fried chicken.
Dance tip: Dance… until the world ends? I guess?
3. Where Them Girls At—David Guetta (feat. Flo Rida & Nicki Minaj)
Nicki’s manic flow and helter-skelter lyrics lend themselves perfectly to guest appearances, apparently. Here she bursts in with talk about Peabo Bryson—a Disney songwriter—renewing her driver’s license, and then has the gall to ask, “Anyway, why’d I start my verse like that?” I have no idea, Nicki.
Dance tip: Do the “day-da-da-day, da-day-da-day-day.”
4. Super Bass—Nicki Minaj
Yep, three straight. Though the instrumental could absolutely serve as background music for The Weather Channel, it is pitch-perfect and gives Nicki’s already sweet lyrics an over-the-top cutesy feel. I simultaneously feel like a Barbie and a hip-hop god when I dance to this. I would have it no other way.
Dance tip: Do that thing where you shake your arms and gyrate your bottom.
5. Born This Way—Lady Gaga
I wasn’t sure how I felt about this song the first time I heard it, and then I listened again—I quickly fell in love. Empowering and driving, Gaga’s electronic venture into equality pounds its point home hard. It also made way for the No. 1 Most Horrifying Alien Egg-Birth Scene in a Music Video of all time.
Dance tip: Don’t be a drag; you know the drill.
6. Moves Like Jagger—Maroon 5 (feat. Christina Aguilera)
I don’t know what a “jagger” is, but this song sure makes me want to “move” like one! I sure am cool!
Dance tip: Don’t break your hip.
Dance tip: Re-live the music video by inviting James Van Der Beek to your unicorn wine-tasting or whatever is going on there.
8. Sexy and I Know It—LMFAO
This song reminds me of the Mortal Kombat theme song—I always want the narrator to start listing off producers’ names and then demand, “Test your might!” … “Excellent!” … “Fight!” *lasers*
Dance tip: Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle,wiggle, yeah.
Life tip: Do not watch this music video. (Ok, fine. Do it. Whatever.)
9. Look at Me Now (Clean Version, because, you know)—Chris Brown (feat. Busta Rhymes & Lil Wayne)
Busta’s verse is worth the price of admission alone (he literally raps at 6.3 words per second. Think about that), and the airy synths make me think Chris Brown is actually just a snake-charmer trying to hypnotize me into liking him. It’s not working, but good effort.
Dance tip: Get paper, be fresher than a mug, etc.
10. Love You Like A Love Song—Selena Gomez & The Scene
I am in college and I un-ironically like this song and dance to it in my room. Deal with it.
Dance tip: Follow my lead.