By Renner Clements, Opinion Editor
Short Message Service (SMS) texting in the U.S. has risen in the past 15 years from a convenient gimmick to a communication necessity. The rising trend of digital conversations has connected the world more than it has ever been before, but texting culture in the U.S. is deeply flawed as a result of its detachment, perfectionism and illusion of intimacy. Instead the medium can, and should, be utilized for its redemptive and encouraging qualities.
One of the allures of digital conversation is the control we have over the words we speak; being in control of every syllable means we do not have to fear social awkwardness or a failure to think quick on our feet. Texting instead of talking out loud can bring confidence and articulation that would be lost in a social setting. These are appealing benefits for many; however, it is a mistake to rely on that sense of control texting brings.
This level of removal is also what leads to the incredibly negative conversations that can occur over the phone or online.
“These devices blur the line between our public and our private selves that we choose to present,” said Paul Nesselroade, chair of the Asbury University psychology department. “In social situations our feelings may be checked in emotional moments; these sometimes-inappropriate emotions may not be checked with the additional boundary of the phone screen. This is a way to understand why we often get such venomous exchanges [online], which we all agree would not take place with this severity in face-to-face circumstances.”
Too much texting can bring many unintended side effects to personal relationships. According to Shanhong Luo in his report for Computers in Human Behavior in 2014, the amount that people communicate via texting is correlated to attachment and satisfaction levels; the more two people text, the greater their sense of attachment to the relationship is and the lower their sense of satisfaction with the relationship. It is sadly poetic to become more attached to an ever-worsening relationship maintained digitally.
Texting can also be a subtly dangerous adversary of our relational intimacy. Digital conversations can be incredibly tricky to maneuver: did she mean, “I really appreciate you as a friend, or romantically,” when she texted “I love you?” Did he mean, “Our relationship was not affected by that encounter, or I actually was hurt by that encounter but do not want to tell the truth,” when he texted “It’s ok”?
It is these kinds of encounters that can cause anxiety and stress in any kind of personal relationship sustained over a period of time. The issue is not with the method of communication. The issue is that the communication is poor. We get so wrapped up in our thoughts and our responses that we fail to see the reality that we are speaking to another person.
“We have enough trouble seeing the humanity in other people face-to-face,” continued Nesselroade. “To what degree does adding this physical proximity further frustrate the ability to see other people as being fully human?”
But while relationships sustained over the phone are weak, relationships supplemented over the phone can be meaningful in the proper context.
We have the unique privilege of getting to live in a time where we can speak words of truth and encouragement across the globe within seconds. The encouraging power of the right verse or kind word at the right time can do tremendous things for both the one being encouraged and the encourager. Texting can accomplish the task assigned to us in 1 Thessalonians 5:11: “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” Instead of merely doing away with the gossip, arguments and unhealthy attachments of undisciplined texting, we can use the medium to bring others closer to God.
What a calling! We can live life as an encourager, utilizing every tool at our disposal to lift up our brothers and sisters. In order for us to take advantage of every benefit of texting, we need to understand how texting can be unhealthy in our lives and in our relationships. Once we know of the dangers, we can continue forward maturely and with strength—not abandoning the platform simply because of its potential for failure. For many of us, this task of taking back texting will take practice and self-discipline, if we ever are to remove all the unhealthy habits: both physical and relational. Once living in the freedom of healing, we can be confident to move forward with encouragement and real intimacy in our face-to-face relationships.
