By Courtney Cox, Contributing Opinion
Dating as a Christian college student comes with perks and downfalls. At Asbury, I have witnessed healthy, wholesome relationships bloom and grow. I have also noticed trends of toxicity harming single and dating students alike. Not every student will date in his or her time at Asbury, but nearly all students will be affected by Asbury’s dating culture. With Valentine’s Day fresh on our minds and “Stuce Cuddling Season” in full swing, what better time is there to examine Asbury’s dating culture?
Senior Tom Mangione associates dating at Asbury with “Kresge couch couples, premature weddings and the horrors of the Cage.” Students are all familiar with the over-the-top PDA that can be found at Asbury. Senior Tori Reimschisel suggests that the reason for this is “largely because couples at Asbury aren’t given the respect of being able or allowed to be alone and affectionate with each other, so they have no choice but to do this publicly, which is no fun for anyone.”
“I wish administration stopped treating us like children in some circumstances, like the restrictions of open dorm,” Mangione said.
Mangione also noted that Asbury’s dating culture tends to call for marriage prematurely. Does Asbury’s dating culture call for marriage too soon? As a sophomore, I was often asked if I planned to marry my off-campus boyfriend after graduation, and I was usually met with great surprise when I said I had no current plans to.
“We don’t let people casually date,” said Dr. Jill Campbell, assistant professor of music education and voice. “We assume if people went out on a date in the Christian circle, then they are practically engaged. Let’s just let people get to know each other and give them some space!”
I spent my junior year intentionally without dating, noticing an odd trend in singleness as it relates to Asbury. It was often assumed I needed help and advice in confronting my singleness — when in reality, I was content.
“I’ve experienced a lot of well-meaning, condescending ‘advice’ on ‘how to be a good single’ from people in relationships who legitimately don’t actually think being single really has any value,” Reimschisel said.
“It can make people feel insecure if they aren’t dating. … Sometimes students think that they have done something wrong if they don’t leave school with a spouse,” Campbell said.
Mangione noted that while there are problems with the dating culture on Asbury’s campus, this space does give us an environment conducive to finding a partner who shares our values.
“Even though our culture is flawed, it’s far superior to an expectation of sexual promiscuity,” Mangione said. On a secular campus, it is already difficult to escape the “hookup culture” and even more so to find a partner who shares your spiritual values. That said, do not assume that your values will certainly align because a partner goes to Asbury and identifies as a Christian.
“Take your date to do things like working at the food kitchen or serving others in some way,” Campbell said. “Ask yourself, ‘How is this person dedicated to living out their faith? How do they treat people they perceive as being marginalized?’ Look for the Jesus in their walk, not just their talk.”
Though dating at Asbury comes with trials, the culture does not doom relationships to failure. Mangione noted that the lack of privacy and the gossip “can be really painful,” but “boundaries, communication and the ability to not be affected by other people’s opinions are the keys.”
Reimschisel suggests that we should all seek out mentors in order to “begin to grow in the strength and confidence that will help [us] be truly ready for healthy and solid romantic relationships.”
