The do’s and don’ts of finding a roommate

Housing night for the 2019-2020 school year is scheduled for this coming Tuesday, April 9, from 9-11 p.m. So if you don’t have a roommate locked in for the upcoming year, it’s crunch time.

As someone who has had three different roommates over the past three years, I feel qualified to offer a couple of do’s and don’ts on the subject:

DO:

• Tell your current roommate you don’t want to room with him/her next year. This might seem like basic common sense, but it’s important to remember that he or she will also need to find a new roommate. Respect that need by telling your current roommate as soon as possible. (Though if you haven’t already done so, better late than never, I suppose.) Also, do your best to be polite and gentle in this matter. To some people, losing a roommate is a big deal, and it’s important that you be sensitive in breaking the news to him or her.
• Get the word out and start searching. The first and best place to look would be your class’s Facebook page. After scrolling through the page to see if anyone else posted about needing a roommate, add your own post to the queue and maybe put in a request that interested parties contact you on Messenger. However, if you’re not on Facebook or you don’t find it helpful, the simplest thing is to tell your friends you need a roommate and ask if they know anyone else who’s in the same boat.
• Have a list of questions ready for your potential roommates, such as:
  1. How late they like to stay up and how early they get up
  2. How they feel about sharing food
  3. Whether or not it’ll bother them if you make phone calls in the room
  4. How clean or organized they are
  5. How much of a heads-up they want about inviting friends over
  6. Whether they’re introverted or extroverted

• Talk to his/her past roommate(s). C.S. Lewis once wrote, “See the bear in his own den before you judge of his conditions.” People often act differently in living spaces than they do in public spaces. So if you want to know what someone is like as a roommate, who better to ask than his/her past roommates.
• Set boundaries. You might not want to write up a full contract or anything, but it helps to have ground rules regarding some of the issues mentioned above or anything else you feel strongly about. If you both agree to the ground rules going in, you’ll be less likely to get in an argument about something small.
• Be willing to compromise. No roommate is going to be perfectly tailored to you, no matter how much the two of you have in common. If the two of you disagree significantly on one or some of the issues mentioned above, that doesn’t mean you can’t room together; it just means you need to figure out if the issue is one you can reach a compromise on.

DON’T:

• Don’t chose to room with someone just because you’re already friends with him/her. While rooming with a friend isn’t necessarily the wrong decision, it’s not something you should rush into. Take the time to think about how living together might affect your friendship. For instance, you might be the sort of person who goes back to your room to recharge and take a break from social activity. If that’s the case, rooming with a friend could be difficult, as your need to recharge might conflict with a desire to hang out with said friend.
• Don’t ignore your gut. While your instincts aren’t foolproof, they can help point you in the right direction. If you feel uneasy about a potential roommate, take some time to pray about it and think things over.
• Don’t rush into it. While this might seem laughable since housing night is only four days away, it’s still legitimate advice. If you’re desperate to find the right roommate, you might be tempted to pick the first person you find and overlook any potential problems that could arise from rooming with him/her. While that might defuse stress in the short term, it could lead to long-term problems. Even if you find someone as late as Monday or Sunday night, pray about the decision and take the time to sleep on it. You might feel different in the morning, or you might not. But most of the time, making a stressful decision later than 11 p.m. isn’t a good call.
• Don’t decide to room with a person just because you have similar personalities. Sometimes, if two people are similar, it can lead to a clash of personalities when they occupy the same space. The old adage that “opposites attract” is often true as its inverse. If you’re considering rooming with someone who is extremely similar to you, take the time to think about what conflicts might potentially arise from such a situation. If you’re both hot-tempered, rooming together could lead to several arguments. On the other hand, if you’re both nonconfrontational, you might actively ignore disagreements, which could lead to discomfort and possibly resentment. That doesn’t mean you should reject every potential roommate who is similar to you or go looking for one who is radically different — it means you need to think through what it would be like to room with either person.
• Don’t panic if you haven’t found someone by housing night. According to an email on the housing process from Kaylyn Moran, resident director of Glide Crawford Hall,  “If you can’t find a roommate, … you can come to the Stuce at 9:30 p.m. on housing night. There will be a spot for you to meet other folks who are also looking for roommates. Think of this as roommate speed dating. If you find a roommate, hop in line with your classification. If not, you can sign up at 10 p.m. and you will be assigned someone.” Don’t sweat it; remember that there are other people looking, too, and one of those people might be a good match for you. And if you have time to do so, maybe write a list of questions to ask your potential roommate(s) and bring it to housing night.
• Don’t give up at the first sign of trouble. No matter whom you choose to room with, there will be disagreements, arguments and frustrations — and ignoring those problems won’t make them go away. When you encounter difficulties with your roommate, do your best to address the situation with love and patience. It’s not always easy (believe me, I know how tempting it is to be nonconfrontational and even passive-aggressive), but it’s what we’re called to do as brothers and sisters in Christ. Every relationship takes work, and a roommate relationship is no exception. That means that you don’t shut your roommates out, give up on living in harmony with them or hold grudges against them when they let you down.

As Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” This sharpening won’t be always easy or comfortable, but if you stick with your roommate through the process, you’ll both be the better for it.