I sat on a gray velvet loveseat, legs tucked underneath me. With my laptop propped up on the back of the sofa, I tried to name what I was feeling. Maybe it was the eucalyptus green fuzzy carpet or my jet lag, but the onset of general unease made me shift in place. The weight of the monetary value of this trip pounded against me with my heartbeat. The idea that people gave their well-earned money to me, a semi-educated twenty-year-old, to invest in and experience a rural community in Northern Ireland deeply confused me. The question, “Why am I here?” haunted me for the entirety of the trip. Part of it was due to my own self-doubt but also the conceptual qualms I had about what I was doing.
I’m not a fan of mission trips. Short-term mission trips, specifically, make me feel uneasy.
I struggle with the idea of entering a community for a week and a half, serving and doing the best you can to instill your beliefs in others and then leaving. This especially concerns me when children are involved or short-term mission trips with orphanages. You are meeting, establishing relationships with and interacting with kids with emotional attachment issues and genuine trauma, and breaking that connection upon leaving.
I also struggle with the idea of spending a lot of money to travel to a different country when that money could be directly placed in the hands of the community to help the economy. People living in the community already could be put in charge of stewarding the money well.
But I also understand that I can never fully assess or understand God’s calling in the lives of others to go somewhere and serve. I do not have the ability to see “spiritual statistics” because there is no way to assess this scale truly. God brings us on journeys for personal development for a reason, and if we plant one seed that changes the trajectory of a life forever, then it is worth it. My constant attempts to see everything at full scale can hinder this belief sometimes.
I do not know if I changed lives in Northern Ireland. Probably not, quite frankly. Our trip was more so designed with the intent of living and serving in a community different from our own as a learning experience. I still wanted to do something, share something significant or leap out of my comfort zone. But that first night, our hosts encouraged us that we did not have to.
We gathered around the cramped living room as our hosts, Pamela and Desi, asked questions to get to know us. As we eventually discussed our plans for the week, Desi brought the story of Exodus 4 to our attention.
Moses is full of doubts, questioning if anyone will listen to him. And the Lord asks him one simple question:
What is in your hand?
The answer was a staff. The Lord instructs Moses to throw it on the ground, and it turns into a snake. He explains to Moses that he does not have to speak, does not have to do anything, in fact, besides show people this transformation.
So then, of course, Desi asked us, “What is in your hand?”
For me, it was a camera. Another team member, Abby and I took photos and videos throughout the entire trip to help with promotional content for the organization. It was the best way to honor where God placed me in that moment.
You do not have to go completely out of your comfort zone for God to work in you and through your life. You have been intentionally created with your gifts, your thoughts and ideas to serve a purpose. We may never know what that purpose is, but you can use what you have been gifted to make the world a better place. Sometimes, that just means being present and in the moment with the people around you.
I dwell on the next steps. Where am I going from here? Is there any point to what I am doing? Am I making a big enough impact or difference? And I think if I am using what has been placed in my hand, then the answer is yes. The rest does not matter.
What’s in your hand?
I sat on a gray velvet loveseat, legs tucked underneath me. With my laptop propped up on the back of the sofa, I tried to name what I was feeling. Maybe it was the eucalyptus green fuzzy carpet or my jet lag, but the onset of general unease made me shift in place. The weight of the monetary value of this trip pounded against me with my heartbeat. The idea that people gave their well-earned money to me, a semi-educated twenty-year-old, to invest in and experience a rural community in Northern Ireland deeply confused me. The question, “Why am I here?” haunted me for the entirety of the trip. Part of it was due to my own self-doubt but also the conceptual qualms I had about what I was doing.
I’m not a fan of mission trips. Short-term mission trips, specifically, make me feel uneasy.
I struggle with the idea of entering a community for a week and a half, serving and doing the best you can to instill your beliefs in others and then leaving. This especially concerns me when children are involved or short-term mission trips with orphanages. You are meeting, establishing relationships with and interacting with kids with emotional attachment issues and genuine trauma, and breaking that connection upon leaving.
I also struggle with the idea of spending a lot of money to travel to a different country when that money could be directly placed in the hands of the community to help the economy. People living in the community already could be put in charge of stewarding the money well.
But I also understand that I can never fully assess or understand God’s calling in the lives of others to go somewhere and serve. I do not have the ability to see “spiritual statistics” because there is no way to assess this scale truly. God brings us on journeys for personal development for a reason, and if we plant one seed that changes the trajectory of a life forever, then it is worth it. My constant attempts to see everything at full scale can hinder this belief sometimes.
I do not know if I changed lives in Northern Ireland. Probably not, quite frankly. Our trip was more so designed with the intent of living and serving in a community different from our own as a learning experience. I still wanted to do something, share something significant or leap out of my comfort zone. But that first night, our hosts encouraged us that we did not have to.
We gathered around the cramped living room as our hosts, Pamela and Desi, asked questions to get to know us. As we eventually discussed our plans for the week, Desi brought the story of Exodus 4 to our attention.
Moses is full of doubts, questioning if anyone will listen to him. And the Lord asks him one simple question:
What is in your hand?
The answer was a staff. The Lord instructs Moses to throw it on the ground, and it turns into a snake. He explains to Moses that he does not have to speak, does not have to do anything, in fact, besides show people this transformation.
The rollercoaster after revival
So then, of course, Desi asked us, “What is in your hand?”
For me, it was a camera. Another team member, Abby and I took photos and videos throughout the entire trip to help with promotional content for the organization. It was the best way to honor where God placed me in that moment.
You do not have to go completely out of your comfort zone for God to work in you and through your life. You have been intentionally created with your gifts, your thoughts and ideas to serve a purpose. We may never know what that purpose is, but you can use what you have been gifted to make the world a better place. Sometimes, that just means being present and in the moment with the people around you.
I dwell on the next steps. Where am I going from here? Is there any point to what I am doing? Am I making a big enough impact or difference? And I think if I am using what has been placed in my hand, then the answer is yes. The rest does not matter.