“You’re in college now. When you go back home for breaks, it won’t really feel like home. Just wait. It’ll happen.” Being told this as a freshman in college, I felt a sense of loss for something that hadn’t even happened yet. It didn’t happen during my freshman year; the few breaks I was afforded were very needed. But when I went home the summer before my sophomore year, something changed. Something didn’t quite feel right. The house was rearranged. The furniture was different. Home was different. But more glaringly prominent in my mind, I was different. I realized that it wasn’t home that had changed at all, it was me.
Going off to college is a big transition in life, especially for out-of-state students who can’t go back home for a weekend here and there when they need it. But you find your way. You make friends, you learn how to function in a new environment and things begin to feel like home. But what happens when you return home again after becoming well-adjusted to college life? It can be disorienting. At school, I have grown into an independent adult. I have made friends and family and have established life rhythms. I found myself on Asbury’s campus. So when I return home, it can feel like I’m leaving who I’ve become behind at school and returning to the expectation of who I was before. It can almost feel like you’re backpedaling on your growth. So how do you find that balance between who you are and who you were in a space that is used to the latter?
Part of it is there needs to be something tangible to hold onto, something that can carry over between both places. Constantly moving between home and school, never really feeling firmly planted in either, can leave your head spinning if you don’t have a strong sense of who you are, an identity that goes beyond a place. And you can’t feel stifled or be afraid to stand up for the person you have become when you do go home. You’ve changed, and your loved ones need to accept that.
At the same time, realize that this is a lot of change for your family, too. The ones you may leave behind when you go off to school don’t see the process of change, they see a before and after. It can be a lot for them, too. So give them grace. They are trying to reconcile the you they see before them with the you who they dropped off at school back in freshman year.
And know that it does get better. Now that I am a junior and have finally accepted the gap between who I was and who I am, I feel like I can find a sense of comfort at home again. Both my family and I have come to terms with the fact that college students change rapidly under the intense pressure of being thrust into the world. Now I feel like I am here more as a familiar guest on an extended stay than as a permanent resident, and there is a sense of loss there. But I like to think that I have gained just as much (or more) as I have lost. Change is natural. You can’t hold on to the past forever.
The semester is almost through. For some, it may be the end of your first semester (you made it!). For others, it may be routine at this point. Regardless of where you are on your college journey, the fact remains: we are all about to leave school for a month-long break. Not all of us will return to our homes, but many of us will. Maybe you still feel like you belong at home and not at Asbury. But for those who don’t, know that it will be okay. As you move between Asbury and home, remember how far you have come. Be proud of the person you are becoming at Asbury.
I promise the growing pains will all be worth it to rediscover what it means to find home in the in-between.
Finding home in the in-between
“You’re in college now. When you go back home for breaks, it won’t really feel like home. Just wait. It’ll happen.” Being told this as a freshman in college, I felt a sense of loss for something that hadn’t even happened yet. It didn’t happen during my freshman year; the few breaks I was afforded were very needed. But when I went home the summer before my sophomore year, something changed. Something didn’t quite feel right. The house was rearranged. The furniture was different. Home was different. But more glaringly prominent in my mind, I was different. I realized that it wasn’t home that had changed at all, it was me.
Going off to college is a big transition in life, especially for out-of-state students who can’t go back home for a weekend here and there when they need it. But you find your way. You make friends, you learn how to function in a new environment and things begin to feel like home. But what happens when you return home again after becoming well-adjusted to college life? It can be disorienting. At school, I have grown into an independent adult. I have made friends and family and have established life rhythms. I found myself on Asbury’s campus. So when I return home, it can feel like I’m leaving who I’ve become behind at school and returning to the expectation of who I was before. It can almost feel like you’re backpedaling on your growth. So how do you find that balance between who you are and who you were in a space that is used to the latter?
Part of it is there needs to be something tangible to hold onto, something that can carry over between both places. Constantly moving between home and school, never really feeling firmly planted in either, can leave your head spinning if you don’t have a strong sense of who you are, an identity that goes beyond a place. And you can’t feel stifled or be afraid to stand up for the person you have become when you do go home. You’ve changed, and your loved ones need to accept that.
At the same time, realize that this is a lot of change for your family, too. The ones you may leave behind when you go off to school don’t see the process of change, they see a before and after. It can be a lot for them, too. So give them grace. They are trying to reconcile the you they see before them with the you who they dropped off at school back in freshman year.
And know that it does get better. Now that I am a junior and have finally accepted the gap between who I was and who I am, I feel like I can find a sense of comfort at home again. Both my family and I have come to terms with the fact that college students change rapidly under the intense pressure of being thrust into the world. Now I feel like I am here more as a familiar guest on an extended stay than as a permanent resident, and there is a sense of loss there. But I like to think that I have gained just as much (or more) as I have lost. Change is natural. You can’t hold on to the past forever.
Life is fragile and worth living
The semester is almost through. For some, it may be the end of your first semester (you made it!). For others, it may be routine at this point. Regardless of where you are on your college journey, the fact remains: we are all about to leave school for a month-long break. Not all of us will return to our homes, but many of us will. Maybe you still feel like you belong at home and not at Asbury. But for those who don’t, know that it will be okay. As you move between Asbury and home, remember how far you have come. Be proud of the person you are becoming at Asbury.
I promise the growing pains will all be worth it to rediscover what it means to find home in the in-between.