The words “linger” and “listen” have been on my mind lately.
They’ve settled in my head and seeped into my thoughts like the morning mists covering campus at sunrise.
It’s only the third week of school, and I’m already struggling to slow down and savor the moments I get to spend here. Every time a semester begins, I try to find some books for pleasure in reading in my free time. In the past, free time has eluded my grasp. I’m easily sucked into the world on my phone or distracted by my ever-growing to-do list.
However, this semester I started strong.
Upon walking into the library a few days ago, one book immediately caught my eye. Kate Murphy’s title was provocative and challenging in a unique way.
The cover of her book read “You’re Not Listening— what you’re missing and why it matters.” I was instantly intrigued and picked it up off the shelf to flip through some of the pages and decide if it was worth reading. The little note before the introduction was enough for me to check it out at the library counter. She dedicated the book to “anyone who has misunderstood or felt misunderstood.” Don’t we all fit in those categories?
Murphy’s writing was excellent and thought-provoking. With every page I turned, heavy blows struck my pride. I had approached this book believing I was, at the very least, a decent listener. In my classes, I don’t daydream (at least not too much). I pay attention (for the most part) in chapel. I don’t let my mind wander (most of the time) when my friends, family members, or significant other is talking. I may not remember all the details of a conversation 20 or 30 minutes after it’s over, but I remember the important parts (I think).
In the introduction, Murphy explained that she had academically researched all aspects of listening for two years. This included the biomechanical and neurobiological processes and the psychological and emotional effects.
She interviewed people from many different career backgrounds and learned that attentive listening is an essential skill no matter what job you are pursuing.
Murphy claimed that “in modern life, we are encouraged to listen to our hearts, listen to our inner voices, and listen to our guts, but rarely are we encouraged to listen carefully and with intent to other people.”
I’ve found this to be very accurate. Our culture always shouts at us to trust our instincts, follow our hearts, and live our best lives. In today’s world, Murphy recognizes that “value is placed on what you project, not what you absorb.”
I want to live differently than this. I want my heart’s desire to be listening and learning from people rather than being heard. Being present during a conversation and lingering on the words of others around me may mean sounding less witty or clever. It may mean sacrificing my biting comebacks. It may even mean being ok with silence after someone explains their point because I was so focused on their words that I didn’t fashion my response yet.
Murphy claims that “to listen poorly, selectively, or not at all is to limit your understanding of the world and deprive yourself of becoming the best you can be.”
Do you do this?
Are you missing out on the opportunity to broaden your perspective by not paying attention to your professor? Are you ignoring the possibility of hearing God’s voice through our chapel speakers just to protest that attendance is mandatory?
This week, I want to work on growing intellectually and spiritually by listening to others well. I know the Lord can speak through them if I linger and listen for His voice.
Will you join me?
