Have I done enough?
Never has this question been more ever-present in my mind than during these first few weeks of 2023. I feel like it’s a common thought in our society whenever we’re about to face change, mostly because new years (and new semesters) always seem to bring a lot of, well, newness.
Have I done enough?
As a senior, have I done what is necessary for preparation after I graduate in May? Have I spent the last four years with the right people, pursuing the right opportunities? Have I done enough that I don’t become just a name written on a graduation program? Most of all, I have pondered a question that has created restless nights and long rambling prayers.
Have I done enough for God?
The other night I received an exciting message from a friend doing the work to create more discipleship opportunities, at least on a smaller scale, at Asbury. Genuinely, I grew excited for them, but my mind unintentionally spiraled into the comparison game.
I wondered if I had pursued relationships to the fullest extent, not only to build community but also to share about Jesus. I doubted my responsibilities on campus. Was I involved enough? Have I attended and volunteered at enough spiritual life events? Have I been using my role at the Collegian enough to share His truth?
My time at Asbury is running out, so I need to know: have I done enough for God?
God answered me pretty quickly by reminding me of my past.
In high school, I got really involved at my church when they opened a campus in my town. From 9 am to 9 pm on Sundays, I would sprint from volunteering in the preschool ministry to Bible study, worship practice and youth group.
I thought that’s how life as a Christian should be, constantly serving and moving to do things for God. Those who accept Christ are called to have servant-like hearts and were made to do “good works” (Ephesians 2:10). I was doing that, wasn’t I?
As a typical teenager, I wasn’t aware of the need to balance doing things for God, for His glory, alongside simply being with God. I burnt out.
I was Martha in Luke 10, running around trying to do all of these things, these preparations to be hospitable and a good Christian, with the concern of what other people may think if I don’t.
Once I came to Asbury, I started the journey into gaining a Mary spirit, or the capability to spend time with God just being. Being in His Word and in His presence, I learned to sit at the Lord’s feet (Luke 10:39). It didn’t happen instantly, though. I fought against it hard.
Anyone who was good friends with me last year knew I wanted to keep pushing and keep doing because I thought any other kind of lifestyle was not enough for God. Unvoiced, I realized this thought stemmed from my believing I wasn’t enough.
Why would God want to sit with me? Why would God want a relationship with me?
God was the One to retort, “Why wouldn’t I? I created you and call you ‘daughter.’ These gifts I have given you are special; you are doing good things in my name. But that doesn’t equate to or outshine my desire to spend time with you. I love you.”
I remember sitting in my room, stunned.
“Listen to me,” God continued. “Spend time with me. Grow with me. And then see how I can grow these opportunities I have placed in your life.”
Some may think I didn’t learn my lesson last year, because that doubt of worthiness still lingers during my final semester. Yet, that is just the enemy trying to push me away. He loves the comparison game.
God refuses to let me play; He quickly pulls me back in.
My calling and spiritual gifts are not the same as my friend’s, and honestly, praise God for that. There is also nothing wrong with wanting to serve. We need to love and serve God and each other. Yet, there is a right way to do it. Martha missed out on experiencing the presence of Jesus because she allowed the good things to overshadow the best thing.
Because if we prioritize being with God, it allows Him to guide us to doing certain opportunities with our hearts truly postured to serve, which can expand the Kingdom and bring all the glory back to the One who deserves it.
As we plan our days and our schedules, we need to remember to do the one thing that is best, the one thing that eliminates the worry of being and doing enough for God.
Spend time with Him. And then watch Him completely transform and grow the opportunities He has placed in your life.
