Some of the scariest and most fulfilling words a Christian can say are “your will be done, Lord.”
I’ve spent most of my life wrestling with a desire to know God’s will while feeling utterly unworthy and fearful of all it might entail.
God’s will for my life, in particular, seemed too complex and unknowable for me ever truly to grasp, so I allowed my broken mind to create options and probabilities. I gathered statistics on made-up scenarios to make myself feel safer. I comforted myself with the illusion of control and fabricated security through guessing games.
Yet all my false beliefs were quickly torn down once trials and tribulations came around.
During a recent chapel, I was struck by how easy it is to believe that God is only really with us when our lives go according to plan. Seasons of pain and hardship are usually marked with frustration toward God. We wonder why God’s will allows us to suffer and rack our brains about what sin we must have committed.
However, this is completely false. Tough seasons are filled with just as much, if not more, opportunity to grow closer to God and deepen our faith. No matter how awful our circumstances are, God never leaves our side. If we believe that God is steadfast and truthful, we can’t read Deuteronomy 31:8 and still claim that He is not with us always.
“The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
It’s human to shy away from all forms of suffering. Yet pain is meant to be an indication that something is not right in our body, soul, or spirit, pointing us back to our Heavenly Father.
In his book “With,” Skye Jethani talks about living like a spiritual leper. Those who contract leprosy lose physical sensations, putting them at risk of injury due to their inability to feel. Jethani claims that “when taken too far, the pursuit of comfort and the avoidance of pain can make us into spiritual lepers— we become incapable of experiencing the aches God uses to awaken us to the reality of sin and evil in the world and in ourselves.”
Our world is filled with ways to amuse, entertain and distract ourselves from one of our deepest, darkest fears— intolerable, unending suffering. Often we claim that we’re all for God’s will. Yet we aren’t willing to accept that it might require some pain and sacrifice when it comes to our comfortable, happy life. God doesn’t view suffering as punishment. He allowed pain into the world so we could use it to draw nearer to Him and experience a fulfilling life.
There were many moments this semester where I selfishly prayed for God’s comfort rather than God’s character to be made known.
I begged God to heal someone I cared about. This way, He met my needs. However, I should’ve prayed for them to encounter God’s character and be truly transformed.
This was not right.
After the outpouring, Satan saw my heart begin to shift. I moved from praying that God would grant the desires of my heart to pleading for new desires that would reflect His. This was not a swift or easy switch. I’m not ashamed to say that I doubted it would work. But my desperation produced a seed of hope and faith— and God multiplied it abundantly.
Is comfort rather than spiritual growth your ultimate goal right now?
Let us never chase after God’s gifts over the gift giver Himself.
As Matthew 6:33 says, “But seek first His kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”
Seek out Christ’s character, and He will give you freedom and lasting comfort.
