Lately, I have been struggling with feeling confident.
I use the term “lately” very loosely here. By lately, I really mean all my life. I just happened to, more recently, accept that this is a problem I have.
Although I get plenty of affirmations from my friends and professors, I constantly feel like I’m either not doing enough, doing too much, or just don’t have the right skill set for what I want to do with my life.
There have been a number of times when I have talked to my mom or professors about how I feel as though I’m not good at my major. Sometimes I feel like everyone around me is simply more adept at grasping material than I am.
Having to read Shakespeare play after Shakespeare play and poem after poem by some people who like to use a lot of big words is a lot harder than it sounds. Although I love it and get better at interpreting difficult texts as I read them, I need you to know that it’s totally acceptable to feel like you’re not cut out for things sometimes.
I don’t mean that it’s okay to just give up when things get hard. However, it’s okay to feel a little inadequate sometimes. I know a lot of people who have a feeling of insufficiency every once in a while, myself included.
As someone who gains confidence through the praise of others, when you’re struggling to grasp the material in a class or two it becomes a little difficult to feel as though you have the ability to do any better.
Even as a senior, I still feel sometimes that I might be better at something else. However, I love the things that I’m doing. I enjoy writing papers (sometimes), and I actually like reading Shakespeare. I love close reading and annotating, and I would be miserable doing anything else.
With time I have grown tenfold in this field of work and gained a lot of confidence along the way. We are always capable of becoming good at things if we try a little harder and put in a little more work.
Now, I don’t mean to insinuate that everyone will enjoy reading the things I have to do for class. I say these things more for myself than anyone else.
Alongside, I struggle with confidence in my body just as much as I struggle with feeling confident in my work. Every once in a while these two things overlap and I feel like my head might explode.
As someone who hasn’t been an athlete since the seventh grade, if my mom would even use the term “athlete,” I understand the feeling you get when you look at all of your friends who are athletic and seem… insubstantial.
All this to say that in more ways than one I have felt the feeling of inadequacy and needed some help getting through it from others. Rather that be from the people around me or trying to love on myself a little extra for a few days, I get through it.
You should not find confidence in yourself solely by seeking validation from others. I’ve been there and can say with full transparency that it’s unhealthy. The things we need to propel ourselves forward in life, any aspect of it, should come from within ourselves.
This year, I’ve written a lot about seeking help rather than validation from others. Although I can admit that it helps in the process I’m discussing, I wish it was easier to get by without it and do extraordinary work without it.
I wish I could tell you that I’ve recently felt more confident in my work and myself, body or capabilities. But, I regret to inform you that I can only write about it because I struggle with it.
Yet, I understand that being good at something and being confident in it are two very different things. I will counter this, though, and say that it can become amazing if you’re confident enough in something, work or otherwise. If I decided that I wanted to be an incredible painter and was confident in the poor quality work that I was producing, imagine how great my work would become if I kept at it with the same confidence level. Although confidence grows— as we “gain” it— we become better at the things we practice; you won’t get there without believing in yourself.
I’ve been struggling with believing that I have the capability to be great for way too long now. I recently decided that I can be bad at things and still love them. I can be bad at something and still be confident in my ability to grow in them.
So, yes. I am bad at things that I love. So be it if my entire college career falls into that umbrella statement. I’m trying to grasp difficult material, and Dr. Strait says he’s proud of me.
Maybe I should learn to be proud of me, too.
Confident in things I’m bad at
Lately, I have been struggling with feeling confident.
I use the term “lately” very loosely here. By lately, I really mean all my life. I just happened to, more recently, accept that this is a problem I have.
Although I get plenty of affirmations from my friends and professors, I constantly feel like I’m either not doing enough, doing too much, or just don’t have the right skill set for what I want to do with my life.
There have been a number of times when I have talked to my mom or professors about how I feel as though I’m not good at my major. Sometimes I feel like everyone around me is simply more adept at grasping material than I am.
Having to read Shakespeare play after Shakespeare play and poem after poem by some people who like to use a lot of big words is a lot harder than it sounds. Although I love it and get better at interpreting difficult texts as I read them, I need you to know that it’s totally acceptable to feel like you’re not cut out for things sometimes.
I don’t mean that it’s okay to just give up when things get hard. However, it’s okay to feel a little inadequate sometimes. I know a lot of people who have a feeling of insufficiency every once in a while, myself included.
As someone who gains confidence through the praise of others, when you’re struggling to grasp the material in a class or two it becomes a little difficult to feel as though you have the ability to do any better.
Even as a senior, I still feel sometimes that I might be better at something else. However, I love the things that I’m doing. I enjoy writing papers (sometimes), and I actually like reading Shakespeare. I love close reading and annotating, and I would be miserable doing anything else.
With time I have grown tenfold in this field of work and gained a lot of confidence along the way. We are always capable of becoming good at things if we try a little harder and put in a little more work.
Now, I don’t mean to insinuate that everyone will enjoy reading the things I have to do for class. I say these things more for myself than anyone else.
Alongside, I struggle with confidence in my body just as much as I struggle with feeling confident in my work. Every once in a while these two things overlap and I feel like my head might explode.
As someone who hasn’t been an athlete since the seventh grade, if my mom would even use the term “athlete,” I understand the feeling you get when you look at all of your friends who are athletic and seem… insubstantial.
All this to say that in more ways than one I have felt the feeling of inadequacy and needed some help getting through it from others. Rather that be from the people around me or trying to love on myself a little extra for a few days, I get through it.
You should not find confidence in yourself solely by seeking validation from others. I’ve been there and can say with full transparency that it’s unhealthy. The things we need to propel ourselves forward in life, any aspect of it, should come from within ourselves.
This year, I’ve written a lot about seeking help rather than validation from others. Although I can admit that it helps in the process I’m discussing, I wish it was easier to get by without it and do extraordinary work without it.
I wish I could tell you that I’ve recently felt more confident in my work and myself, body or capabilities. But, I regret to inform you that I can only write about it because I struggle with it.
Yet, I understand that being good at something and being confident in it are two very different things. I will counter this, though, and say that it can become amazing if you’re confident enough in something, work or otherwise. If I decided that I wanted to be an incredible painter and was confident in the poor quality work that I was producing, imagine how great my work would become if I kept at it with the same confidence level. Although confidence grows— as we “gain” it— we become better at the things we practice; you won’t get there without believing in yourself.
I’ve been struggling with believing that I have the capability to be great for way too long now. I recently decided that I can be bad at things and still love them. I can be bad at something and still be confident in my ability to grow in them.
So, yes. I am bad at things that I love. So be it if my entire college career falls into that umbrella statement. I’m trying to grasp difficult material, and Dr. Strait says he’s proud of me.
Maybe I should learn to be proud of me, too.